to darlings 82 and 59: 50 and 55 my ass. thats like joelle and my weight. hehe.
imagine if rods calls mummy and tells her im gay. imagine the convo. starts with rods.
hi aunty. your son is gay.
which one?
the one whose name rhymes with his sexuality.
ah. no surprise, ive long expected that.
really? how come?
he does such fabulous impersonations of homosexuals and limp wristed fags that its more scary than funny. and there was this once i swear i saw him kiss this tall friend of his. look very ah-kwa one.
michael?
YES. thats him! is his name michael?
yes, aka tseng gay.
-game over.

to 52:
existence of nice guys: they are put on earth for a reason.
just like fashion wouldnt be the same without gay guys, girls wouldnt be as comfortable without nice guys. just like jesus didnt NEED peter, girls can do without nice guys, but would so much rather have them around. no, i correct myself; girls want them around. it is mathematically rational and economically efficient (utility wise) for there to be nice guys as they sacrifice so much in order than so many more girls get their benefits. guys wanna f*ck girls to make themselves feel good, and it seems as though nice guys get f*cked to make girls happy. without nice guys, the world would be such a lonelier colder scarier world.
re: incetive to date nice guys
louis lane and marry jane parker. what do they have in common? [other than big boobs perfect skin superhour glass figures and making love to extremely muscular superhero husbands (superman and spiderman) ] they have to share their loved one with the rest of the world and have to be content knowing she's loved by him the most. making out whilst flying, going web-slinging piggy-backed, this extra effort means the world, and they appreciate it to the utmost. i guess its a trust and faith thing. as every mountain must have tectonic plates beneath it, as every church must have a rock to be built on, every pillar a firm foundation, a man has to be supported by a woman. this is because mountains can crumble, churches can be razed and pillars pulled down.

to 50 and 55: my emo letter to my parents shall be changed.
dear mum and dad. thanks for spending $10000000000 on my education. i appreciate it greatly. today in bio i learnt from prof. I.M.alay-Biatch about a bird, ipohress ji-genus. here's a picture of it.

to those who left;
earth. :) everytime someone mentions your name, i just feeling like dying of laughter. you're by far one of the funniest people i know. actually, you're probably the funniest. i will never forget the few days that we stayed with jonothan quay. the dota, the subway, the nights in the single bed. "fuck rui, you're cool". hahaha. earth you're so full of shit, no matter how upset or tensed i am, you can easily diffuse the situation and make me laugh at my own stupidity. after all, 'nothing can get louder than phantom of the opera'. when explaining to my father who i invited to dinner, i said: tin, cause his uncle takes good care of me. jonathan cause i stayed with him. earth, simply cause i enjoy his company greatly. and now, i shall have to miss it greatly. i pray that you'll just tell me you 'lor len' and staying in melbs. we could always use a bastard like you. and if you do go, say hi to the tranvestites and hot girls in thailand for me. love you long time.

eugene. you have no idea how good it felt to bitch about Her. you've always been so patient with me poog, i dunno what will i do without you. even so far away, you make your presence felt subtly but very apparent. why couldnt you stay you stupid prick. now you're neither an aspiring lawyer nor an english gentleman, just a jobless malaysian bum. (very soon gonna be like chainer). was it the sex that caused you to leave me? i thought i rocked your cock. i hope you're coming to stay with Your Royal Highness when i get back to singapore. imagine the cool nights we have. hey, maybe you'll even get to squeeze a boob some time. you've proved to me, that rocks are borne from bigger rocks, and you're the rock that i shall build my foundations on. you give me strength when i have none. "dont worry man, she'll soon find Sn shallow ... " best of luck for everything bro.

jiejie, i miss you sooo much. why did you have to go suddenly. when i just got out of geelong, leaving me to fend for myself. your hugs were too re-assuring when the world seemed so big and cold to me. but hey, im a big kid now. and i guess sometime i had to start learning to take care of myself. i'd just like you to know that you did a great job anyways, and i greatly appreciate it. i hope all is well with work, i'll see you back home soon. :) love love!

the article with no structure, form, or relevance. just thoughts mashed up. like how rods smells like the taste of mashed potatoes.
maybe we never fully appreciate things around us. even the simplest smallest things that we take for granted. i find that we dont say it enough, the words 'i love you'. we dont have to say it to someone special, someone we're dating, but we have to realise the special-ness of everyone we hold dear. then to the guys in my life i'll say; eugene mike que sam tin alex king chup earth shoshi, i love you all. but i wouldnt fuck you. no, seriously; i wouldnt. ok cept you mt. and you too eugene. heck, all of you come get some. uFOOOOO!
what do i see when i see you? sometimes i would really rather you not be around. sometimes, i just want your presence cause it makes me smile. then i wonder, when i see you, is it a maybe should be could be, or a never was and never will be. feelings so alien to me. MT will bitch slap you if you hurt me anyway. actually eugene will. maybe debs and rods will get to you first. jx will fight you la. wow. with this much protection, im never gonna need condoms.
i started this artcile feelin hmmm emo (gay word that i've grown to love). now im just feelin. feelin. feelin. (hold it, the word's cumming) umm im feelin. as if i should do something better with my life like jackin off or something.
i like the hiphop principle of keepin' it real. but im such a contradicting bastard (unlike chainer who's just a malay bastard. but this ISNT a racist comment.) this body im in, i feel like its an aegis of emotion and mixed thoughts, holding too much tension and feeling. my sanity balances on the brink of existence. yet i show this persona of a cool sweet straight guy. ok im joking, im neither cool sweet nor straight. i show a happy childish person. im not unhappy, nor am i mature. but it just isnt the whole me. like an iceberg i guess.
i will leave you on that note. but 1st, for deb, i shall sing. "break away......."

when one calls another 'friend' deep in his heart, a bond is formed between two individuals. what is a friend? a single soul dwelling in two bodies. aristotle. we should behave to our friends as we would wish our friends behave to us. more aristotle.
lying; a squeemish but simple way out of sticky situations. a cowardice method of escaping responsiblity. doing what we think is right is what we should live for. i resist the temptation of lying. i shant lie. not to you whom i hold so close to me; im elusive because im a loner at times, but when you ask, have i not always answered?i trust the few of you so much, it would hurt me more to lie to you than to face the consequences of making a mistake. you're obligated to, then, not compulsed to mind you, to return the favour.
if any of you are on your way to hurting yourself, it is a duty of those who care, to point out imminent danger. sometimes, we as friends have to discern what needs to be done and possibly hurt those who mean much to us. thus being blamed, you will have taken a bullet, hurting friends and hurting ourselves, to prevent future loss. in time, wounds will heal and hearts shall mend, and bonds will be reinforced. as i would with you, if im to be hurt, please; save me.
support and sustinence. a shoulder to cry on, a simple smile, a cheeky wink that i oh-so-love, whenever needed, i'll endeavour to be there. seek me when you need a confidante, call me when you want a hug. scream at me, punch me, throw me, if it makes you feel better, i dont mind. nothing lets off steam like a few punches, we all have our limits. this im obliged to do, and you've done for me. we'll be there, for each other, as we have before.
this is dedicated to those few ladies in melbourne whose companies i've grown accustomed to and definitely love and appreciate this year. without being impartial; 72, 50, 55 (all variable and all fictional random numbers). and the rest of you darlings, kapatid, lil sis, Jiejie, a-room, meow meow, silly b.

the butterfly fluttered by and settled on a flower. i took no heed, there was no need, to see a thing on a flower. but there it stayed, and didnt fly, it wasnt scared of me. i never touched lest it screamed and fleed, i just looked with admiring eyes. soon it came apparent, it turned into a fruit; the apple of my eye. i knew not to touch, that might be too much, i just protected it from birds and bees. for it was a friend but still so near yet so far. if anyone made her fly away, or made her cry, i'll float over like a butterfly and sting like a bee. and today, still i look, careful not to scare, and to approach i do not dare. then what next i have no idea, let's just wait and see; i do not want that butterfly to turn into a bee and hurt me.
nursery rhyme!

humility: we shun this word as if it's an acidic nonok. why? humility has the same root word as humble. we should seek to be humble and not do things which cause us to be humbled/humiliated by others. and if we do things with the purpose of humbling someone else, we should be ashamed of ourselves. cant we care for others? *michael tseng's care-bear theme song comes on*
i remember a reality show where these disaster-hit family was lent a house by a company. to top things off, the company even provided a monthly supply of money for groceries. the mother of the household was so touched she was crying like hell and hugging the CEO (no lisa, not you) of the company and the CEO just sayang-ed her and said "it's ok... it's just people helping people". the way she said it was so frigging touching, and she said it as i feel it, as if it should be an everyday thing. i wish to be like her (as in kind not old and saggy). she's like superman/supergirl/supersaggy: The Man of Steel possessed many extraordinary gifts, and he shared them with us freely. None of these gifts were more remarkable than his ability to discern what needed to be done, and his unfailing courage in doing it, whatever the personal cost.
eg. donating anticol to the far reaches of the world.

*ps : rods gives the BEST hugs! [and her sister's (reena) neh-neh's are damn nice.]

i've always wanted to fly. and everytime you're around, i feel as if i have wings. so i try to fly... and i'll keep trying.
i'm not a normal guy. hence when you're special, i treat you in a ... different way...

the words 'hero' and 'champion' have connotations of leadership, courage, honour, valour, words that have been scarcely present in our present times (althought i'm often called superman by the ladies). ok, so maybe we may no longer need heros to win wars for us, have no use for champions of the weak and needy (Michael Tseng for fellow Ah-Kwa's). the nature of heros, is such that they draw people to the depth of their character, just by doing. just by being, they can show us what we want to stand for (like hot girls make my pee-pee stand), what to oppose and give ideas meaning. but to who, then, shall we look up to for inspiration, as role models, to give us wisdom? of what make, shall these men be? what mettle shall be drawn from the women of this age?
in current times, show me not to wield a sword, to throw a lance, but show me to stand for what i innately know is right(eg. tits over dick, ANY day.). the greatest strength, comes not from lifting a car, not from breaking anything great, but from affirming another's spirits, giving for a cause not your own. that shall be looked upon with awe by all, no matter how small a gesture is, we must strive to serve others, be humble, and without a doubt give with our hearts whenever wherever we're needed. when we can lend a shoulder, give a smile, pray for another and love our enemies, we will only then be salvaged from the declining moral state of this world.
and if we were to champion for a cause, or a body, what better than our own hearts and who greater than God? to see something we disagree with morally, and not do anything means accepting what we know is wrong. strength can be drawn from ideas, and religion is the most powerful idea. no matter what name we give our gods, however we pray, remember what it means to call someone 'Lord'. submit in humility of an entity greater than my balls, and revere (at that entity, not my super huge nuts).
salute the idea that one day, we may be champions for and not of others.

of particular interest to rods (regarding "why nice guys get less sex than they should")
i have a theory, that girls have a innate craving to be the center of attention in some form. whether it's being noticed for having a new hairstyle, dating the best looking guy in the building, or to have a special someone's exclusive focus. on the last one, i realised, rods, the answer lies there.
every girl wants to feel special and loved, no? however, girls are relatively dense (sorry.) and hence fail to make the distinction between 'exclusive love' and 'slightly special love'.
exclusive love is an abbreviation of "exclusive want to make love". the girl/victim, should feel flattered and special. but that's a lie itself, because playaz make every girl they wanna f*ck feel like that in that way (usually more than one such girl exists at a particular point in time). example of such a playa : pronounciations to the 2 parts of a name. 1st ) the alphabet after 'm'. 2nd) the past tense of 'draw'. example of victim : 2 parts again. 1st ) a rather smelly dairy product ( eg. permesean). 2nd ) rhymes with 'psycho'.
slightly special love is what it seems to be. this is the weapon of the (rare) breed of Men known as 'nice guys' (as opposed to the alot more common 'playa' breed we encoutnered earlier). nice guys understand the way girls think and hence are like good female friends. they treat all girls the same general way, until there is a special girl. then, that lucky special girl gets to be 'slightly special' to the nice guy. ode to the nice guys : 1st ) abbreviation of samantha, name of the main character in 'i am sam'. 2nd ) not chingay, not singh-gay, but t***g gay. 3rd ) thai for 'dick'. sounds like 'kueh'. 4th) only guy with nike dunks hi-cut i know. family name alike the roman emperor constantine. i have tremendous respect for the 4 of you guys. though you guys are undoubtedly faggIIIts, you all are pioneers and inspirations. respect.
so, ladies, be smart. choose between 'exclusive' and 'slightly special'; it aint rocket science aiight?

dedicated to bitch bird's boyfriend:
why do we always look at the downs in our lives, paying them more attention then the ups? we wallow in self pity wondering why and what have we done to deserve such shit, hardly ever considering things like : hey i didnt get shot at today (though if someone spills red wine on my ugly white suit, some one's gonna get shat. shat as in the probably past tense of shot), i actually have food on my table, i have both parents left, im reading Rui's blog, as in THE rui.
dont hate; appreciate. we have so much to thank god for, so much to show as a testament to his love. let's not piss him off by dissin' him (later i diss his grandma he dont wanna talk to me). he has always tested people (abraham, noah, adam & eve etc) i used to think he was an asshole for that, but then after a while i realised, those tests are so small compared to what he has already given, even if we fail it, the rewards that have come before negates the shit several times over.
so pooooge, even though when i wank my 1.8cm penis (anything below 2cm is considered a case of micropenis, a disorder of sorts), i'm tempted to blame god for not making me a n*gga, i realise when i have the oppurtunity to kill big bird and suck off a boyfriend like you, who needs a big cock anyways?

*ps to Mr. Constantinou : BROOK-A-LYN, HOLLA-BACK! BROOKLYN HOLLERBACK!

i had an epiphany yesterday as i was in the shower scrubbing my balls. (ok its a realisation not an epiphany, and i was simply showering, but that was for dramatic effect) i have to become who i was born to be, it is my birthright (that's how superman phrased it.) i thought it would be easier to do so, if i saw the person i want to be. by the time i was soaping my armpits, i had made up my mind about the way i was to behave and carry myself; "to be a soldier must maintain composure and ease." when i walked out of my house i was experiencing a moment of transient bliss, a passing gift from my manly act-cool thoughts in the shower. but never the less, i felt so fuckin' good, like a new man :)
anyways, later on in the day it was as if a withdrawal symptom from an amphetamine, my mood dropped. maybe it was 'cause of the splittin' headache, ball rash aka itchy scrotum, or from the sore dry throat, fever, probably stomach acid which had been acting up again (me so hungwy, me wanna love you lang tyme, $2 = evwyting u wan) or a slight setback in the scenario that should've provided me HAPPINESS, just be being. luckily, i saw my wrist and realised; i want to feel as good everyday as i felt the in the morning. i've made some prior choices as to who i am (right, rods?) and althought i recognised the consequences, i had never really thought about them and embraced them. now i have to a certain extent. and?
i cant like you, not now, not yet. if i do, it'll go against everything i've stood for and why i've hated FRIENDS for the last half a year. indeed, im slightly biased towards you, and i would go that extra mile to see your smile (hey it rhymes. im gonna be a rapper! more like wrapper at a SWEET factory. sweet.) and MOST of the emotions i have when i think and see you in certain scenarios i would feel for any other friend i care for. and the ones i wouldnt feel for others, that is the POTENTIAL possibility that i might, in future, fall for you. but not yet. not yet.
*ps : dear best nonok, i'm not sad! :) i think my voice is slightly off cause im slightly sick. i mean im FULLY sick, but a little unwell. and what did you say when you called at the casino? i was sleeping.

St. Michael on my wrist.
St. Michael and the Archangel (aa.) Michael are interelated entities. the name "miccah-elohim" means "who is like god?", and is the war cry of heavenly angels when the final battle of good vs. evil is fought. it is a taunt to the Devil as well, a rhetorical challenge to belittle Satan.
st's role was to fight a dragon. aa's role was to fight the dragon in Revealation; the one with 7 heads and 10 horns, the one with evil angels, and thrown down from Heaven subsequently. aa appears in islam, christianity and judaism, always rankin 2nd to the Host.
it might be because of his rank and sweetness (mt sweet, not storebelly sweet) that i have an interest in him. or maybe because one of the most influential people in my life has been a certain Bro. Michael. or that i love MT. he's on my wrist as a reminder and an avatar of my conscious conscience. to remind me of what i believe in, in every aspect of the word 'believe'. to stop me from sinning, to keep at bay the evils in me. in this pendant ive imbued all the values i trust and hold dear, though far from uphold them.
pray, sometimes it's the only thing we can do. then pray it's not the only thing.

in the last 45 hours or so, i've been awake for the better part of 43 hours. how i feel at this very moment is one of ambiguity. i want to sleep because my mind thinks it's logical to do so. however my body seems to be able to run without my mind, because i was running and jumping all the way back home. this is the only reason why im still able to write this. being dropped from a caffeine high, being unable to recall when was the last time i had actually food other than biscuits like gaiety (gay tee) and anticol (sweets with red cum inside) guava juice (from nepal nonetheless) up n' go and crappy carrot and potato soup, the insulin spikes and lows have resulted in a more mental than chemical energy state. i can run or decide to collapse. the acid in my stomach threatens to devour my very insides, yet my insides threaten to throw OUT the acid which means i'll be doin throwing UP.
enough on the excellent physical and mental condition im experiencing, i would like to thank 2 really special girls that have lent shoulders, time, sweets, hot goss. and caring words to me while i've been runnin amok in my own time warped psyche. i might not be processing things very well at this time, but my HEART needs no thinking to FEEL the LOVE. :) thank you mystery angels. i'll get storebellies for you as soon as possible. then you can womit them out. ahh fack, shouldnt say that, makes me wanna womit.
right then. the question to ponder : to dream, or not to dream?

on my mind:
it's not how we behave in front of our peers, family and friends that define our person. it is how we act when we're alone, when no one is looking that makes us who we are. its ok to think sinfully, but as long as we force ourselves to behave otherwise when the time comes, it's one sin less commited. in saying so, i commit sin in my mind on a day to day basis, however, knowing so makes it a struggle against my own sanity and conscience. yes im a bad man, but we live in a wicked world, so i guess that lessens my burden abit. no i will not change; i'd rather you hate me for who i am than love me for who i'm not. i'm a man that WOMITS. broke the serious mood right there. :)
stranger in the night, its just the way you look tonight. exchanging glances, what were the chances that i would feel a glow just thinking of you? with each word, your tenderness grows, something in my heart told me that i must have you. love was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away cause i love you, it's just the way you look tonight. *ps this is just an amalgam of my 2 favourite songs now, but i really, really. mean that.
don't you think we're like strangers? i hardly know you... i cant remember ever hugging you. yet, i'd love for a dance with you.
no debbaz, it's not about her. *womits!!!*
the only irrational thing in this world in love. we can give a reason or explain anything else, but we can never describe or explain love in a linguistic form that will sufficiently define the way our heart feels it. we can love someone fat, someone ugly, someone who womits. such is the power of love; it needs no justification, just heart.

more of a diary entry than an article like the few posts before:
im a people person! -interupted by "lisa is the best person ever" on her webcam- i like being in the midst of friends. partly because i enjoy their excellent company, they're high quality friends! :) yucks just saw lisa's face. aye so cute she got the lisa pose going! i digress. anyway! i like to make people laugh and smile, cause that's when they look the best! bro. mike once said to me, that i had a particularly special ability to bring laughter to people, and that's a very powerful thing. i think it is, and i use it to blackmail you guys to giving me hugs! i feel that everyone needs a certain amount of physical closure. i like to have heaps of it! hugs are awesome and i think everybody needs at least 10 a day :) clinging onto debs and rods arms are good too! like GAL PALS right! haha lisa just said "i wanna go for liposuction". hahahahaha! she's such a cutie!
anyway, this rather pointless witless but nonetheless essential post is killing brain cells. check you kids later!
ahhh shit had to type this:
barney is a dinosaur from our imagination, when he's big he's what we call a dinosaur sensation! *edit*
this song is dedicated to the prettiest sweetest cutest hottest girl i've ever gotten to know

diversity is crucial to human existence, we're nothing without it. it is the individualistic property of each person that makes that person special to someone else. it is because of this individuality that makes it so easy for me to love everyone i know, be it their sunny exposition (Jonothan/Que), their humour (umm. deborah? haha), way of speech (TSY/C "aye TANKS ar."), choice of words (Rodelle/82), response to a certain stimilus (Lisa, 2 words; cha-cha & TOES.) easily found in someone once looked for (Luke 11:9 , 'Seek and you shall find'), this seperates us so greatly and makes us as exclusive as snowflakes. or tongue prints. or nonok's. the underlying basis for writing this article (other than Rod's 'aye Rui go update your blog'), is probably my belief that it is not hard by any means, to love another person. it doesnt have to be maternal parternal bf gf nonok love, but just a full appreciation of that persons true personality, admirition of a character trait, and realising the luck involved in God giving you a friend as such.
And all you guys reading this... love you all :) weee!