i had an epiphany yesterday as i was in the shower scrubbing my balls. (ok its a realisation not an epiphany, and i was simply showering, but that was for dramatic effect) i have to become who i was born to be, it is my birthright (that's how superman phrased it.) i thought it would be easier to do so, if i saw the person i want to be. by the time i was soaping my armpits, i had made up my mind about the way i was to behave and carry myself; "to be a soldier must maintain composure and ease." when i walked out of my house i was experiencing a moment of transient bliss, a passing gift from my manly act-cool thoughts in the shower. but never the less, i felt so fuckin' good, like a new man :)
anyways, later on in the day it was as if a withdrawal symptom from an amphetamine, my mood dropped. maybe it was 'cause of the splittin' headache, ball rash aka itchy scrotum, or from the sore dry throat, fever, probably stomach acid which had been acting up again (me so hungwy, me wanna love you lang tyme, $2 = evwyting u wan) or a slight setback in the scenario that should've provided me HAPPINESS, just be being. luckily, i saw my wrist and realised; i want to feel as good everyday as i felt the in the morning. i've made some prior choices as to who i am (right, rods?) and althought i recognised the consequences, i had never really thought about them and embraced them. now i have to a certain extent. and?
i cant like you, not now, not yet. if i do, it'll go against everything i've stood for and why i've hated FRIENDS for the last half a year. indeed, im slightly biased towards you, and i would go that extra mile to see your smile (hey it rhymes. im gonna be a rapper! more like wrapper at a SWEET factory. sweet.) and MOST of the emotions i have when i think and see you in certain scenarios i would feel for any other friend i care for. and the ones i wouldnt feel for others, that is the POTENTIAL possibility that i might, in future, fall for you. but not yet. not yet.
*ps : dear best nonok, i'm not sad! :) i think my voice is slightly off cause im slightly sick. i mean im FULLY sick, but a little unwell. and what did you say when you called at the casino? i was sleeping.